If I had been God

If I had been God,
I could have their wishes granted
of those in need,
And for those stranded.
But where would lie the essence of hope
of having my own
and with eyes closed, pray them in a bow?

If I had been God,
I could have the eternal knowledge
to share it with those
who seek them for ages.
But where would lie my curiosity
of having them known
and the feeling to learn new?

If I had been God,
I could give love,
to those who never knew what it is,
To those who lost them and never regained.
But where shalt lie my own heart,
of feeling it alive
and the satiation of loving with my own might?

If I had been God,
I could shower friends,
to those alone and gone
to those who never could get none.
But where did lie their value,
to have their warmth
and to be someone not feared or prayed,
but accepted as I am?

And If I had been God,
I would reborn as someone
to know what it feels to touch,
to have wishes and my prayers,
to learn things lost and forgotten,
to love someone beyond imagination,
to be someones' and have someone as a friend
And for a thousand lives of God span
To just be a human again...

How

How irritating can one be?
Poking your ribs and yet whisper
when you are in deep sleep
like the dead in his slumber.

How ignorant can be?
Smiling to the fact fantasized
yet deny the bare truth
like the face hard slapped.

How arrogant can one be?
Thwarted to the pits
the air none left to breathe
and yet have pride in your unrighteous deeds.

How angry can one be?
Punch the face of his own friend
Deluded, He fails to think
If not an enemy, yet even not friend he remains.

But How wonderful can one be?
A touch to make you feel,
Silence to gulp the knowledge in,
Perseverance for the truth
And conscience for your moves.

PS: Just another lame output, while the mind had nothing much to do!!!

Not That Different

If it was just for a smile
Or were it sprinkled by her sorrows,
But if just those pearls
Could I beg to borrow.
For all those times
that these pearls were said
was from only hers
denied by the breach
of his soul that had been beyond repair.
Of those times
she smiled and wiped them off
and he stood beneath
bowed to collect those dime
of not letting any go
yet they never dropped for thy.
And for those
who never cared
yet they dropped,
for their value rise.

And yet the denial
never did fade
a long last stream
over her wet luscious lips
that if curled hither
made the world smile with her
and still she bled them
like being poked with a thorn
but would deny the rose
the stem still did borne.

And if it had mattered
for him to bleed
she would say he doesn't know pain
when the heart strangled hard by the chains
and yet deny the share
for it doesn't matter of whose those eyes were
a boy a girl
a man a woman....
but the tears feel the same
as its for him as well as for her.

The Day that Never went...

April 2009

Monday was a Holiday from office and it was raining heavily. I laid back lazily on my bed looking outside off my porch at the world colored wet by the shiny huge drops. The dawn deemed like a woman wrapped in a blue veil with an orange glow around and her face up to the rains pouring down her closed eyelids; and I swear I would never see such a beauty ever again. And as I thought of beauty, I realized my point of getting up so early on such a beautiful morning. I sacrificed the comfort of my bed, joined my hands and bowed to god for a small prayer. Not because I was too devoted to offer a prayer for such a beautiful morning, but cause of the fact that a holiday on Monday is like a dream of every Sunday night and seeing it come true makes us believe that the almighty is still up there. For the rest of the days, he just mocks us.

The daily routine changes a little on a Monday morning. Like for the fact for a bachelor, not brushing on a weekend is not a thing to get shocked upon, skipping a bath since its already raining outside and the water from the taps is cold enough to woo the living soul out of our live bodies and so on and so forth. I mean, even describing a bachelor men lifestyle can make people faint, but the logical one’s do get the point behind it. It’s just we test our laziness so that we could beat it the coming five working days. But today still being a holiday, I kept aside my bachelor hood style for a moment and dressed up, picked up my car keys and stepped out of my home for a small drive out of town.

Even the sun seemed in two minds today to wake up and get out off those dimly lit hills. It just rested his head over there peeking at the world around. I wished him to remain out there at least for today. I sat in my car and turned the engines to life. I could hear my baby speak right back to me. ‘Good Morning’ I said and I drove out off on the highway.

I was on my way to Belgaum. It’s a small village on the border of Karnataka and Maharashtra. From where I lived, it just took 3 hours of journey to be there. There are some beautiful places on the way to this place and monsoons make Belgaum all the more welcoming. But today it was for a very different reason that I was there. She will be coming down to Belgaum from the city. I shall be seeing her after ages and moreover it’s her 26th Birthday today. And what else could make the season all the more welcoming.

And there it was, as I took the turn, I could see it, the same old cafe hidden amidst the trees. I stopped outside the cafe, my heart beats beating fast. It’s as if my heart was racing with my eagerness of getting out of the car and rushing into the cafe to see that beautiful face. I parked my car in a haywire manner and rushed inside. There she was, right at the place that I always found her to be, at the corner of the cafe, with the glass pane at her left and she as always lost in the view outside through the wet dripped glass. I regained my composure, since I did not want her to see my eagerness, but she caught me in the act. She stood up and came rushing towards me and hugged me tightly. I lost all the formalities and composure for the moment and hugged her back.

We sat at our usual place beside the fireplace round the end of the cafe and beside the glass pane. The owner had known me for years now. He didn’t perturb us while we were having our moment but a little later as we settled down, he came up by our table and said in his ever cheery voice –‘Babu and Mem, it’s been a long time since we saw you in here. So do I prepare the usual for you two?’ And a chorus yes echoed off instantly to his question. He gave us a small courteous smile and went back.

I turned towards her. It took me sometime to take in her whole beauty since the very next moment she was laughing at my thawed expression. I realized I ought not to have been looking at her in awe or at least should have closed my mouth during the process. But she of course knew me. She smiled carelessly at me and I could not apologize more, since I was quite embarrassed too. We started catching up with old times, but I could see her growing edgy on me. I mean I knew what I was missing and what it was she wanted from me but I just ignored the fact for the moment. After some time, she turned grumpy and started looking outside the glass pane. I knew it was time that I stop acting. I rose up from my seat and went beside her. She now didn’t care for what I was doing. She was all lost counting the raindrops flowing against the glass pane. I took her hand in mine and kissed her on the cheek. By the time she could absorb of what I had done at the moment I whispered – ‘Happy B’day baby’.

A smile ran across her face and she stood and hugged me. But I could sense her quivering in my arms. I looked at her for one moment, everything seemed to be all right, yet I had that unusual instinct of discomfort. I chose to ignore my instincts for the moment. It was a very precious time for her as well as mine. I put my hands deep into my overcoat and said to her – ‘Baby, I got something very small yet a precious gift for you. You would just need to answer to get it’. But before I could even ask her she caught hold off my hand with her and with another she put them on my lips. I hushed up instantly. She turned back and said to me ‘I’m leaving’.

I stood stunned for a couple of seconds. I looked at her curiously for answers, questions, advice, something, which would unravel me off this sub-conscious state. ‘This isn’t a joke, right baby!!!’ ‘No’ she replied. I was not ready for the words still yet to come. I took my seat opposite her. She tried looking at me directly into my eyes, but somehow could not and tactically hid the rains in her eyes with her dancing eyelashes and her smooth eyelids. I was numb and silent. To my loud silence, she answered – ‘I have got another job in the States. I need to leave tomorrow morning. My aunt would pick me up from there and ..’ and I cut across her statement ‘so u meant you were leaving off to the States for job reasons right, but the way you said you were leaving, I just felt the oxygen kicked out off my lungs for some time.’

She remained quite. The echoing silence was eating me out alive. I was searching for an answer.
‘Yes and No’ she replied.
‘And was that supposed to mean?’
‘Yes, I’m leaving for the States, and No we cannot be together anymore. I mean I do not want you to keep waiting for me neither do I want you to get hurt by the distance. I know the distance had always been there but now being miles away, across international borders, I really cannot see the future ….’

I rose up from my seat. I’ve heard enough of her words.
‘A little trust is what you need'
These were my last words to her. I rushed out of the cafe and stood there in the rain. Every tear out of my eyes dropped off like waterfall. I turned round the corner towards my car, saw her at the same seat still seated. I went up to the glass pane. I was too afraid to think of a life without her and at the same time was left with no other option but the same. I raised my hand and kept it on the glass. A second later, I could see a shadow up against the glass. She had placed her palm against mine separated by the crying glass between us. I managed a subtle smile on my face, since I did not want her to start a new life making her feel grumpy and guilty. Forcefully yet slowly, I took away my palm off the glass and tried looking beyond. But all that I managed was her smooth lines pressed hard against the glass. I turned back, walked to my car and drove back home.

A chill went up my spines as I closed my diary reading the page for the umpteenth time. I tried hard to get back into the real world. I shrugged off the diary away from me. It’s been three years since this page had dreaded me every single day. I tried to think of something, other than the contents of this page. Something that would make me feel good, that would help me feel human again, but alas, the brain was dead, my heart numb and my body a zombie.

I rather decided to have a sip of my coffee and think how in the first place did I end up here? I was traveling to the hills; I lost my map, stayed at a local's place for a night, started my journey again and strayed down to Belgaum again. So I land up in Belgaum after three years. But the strangest part of the co-incidence being the date, the same day of April three years later.

I was sitting on the same table as we used to sit before. I looked down the cafe and memories came streaming in. I could see the flowerbed as always neatly played near the reception table. I remember plucking out flowers for her and the owner yelling at me for plucking them. I could see the guitar placed at the other end, which I remembered toying with, in front of her. I used to play music on my cell and use to pretend playing the riffs all the way down and she used to laugh on my antics. Though now, I was affluent with the instrument. Last but not the least; my eyes went up to the glass pane.

It had started raining for about an hour. The raindrops crashed against the hard glass. It's then I noticed how these joyful raindrops burst open on hitting the glass. Every drop collapsed on the glass, tries to regain her parts, tingling down the glass, catching the other drops and rapidly falling off it. The view kind of got hazy for me. It's not long before I realized that my eyes were even spilling some of those drops. I wiped them off my cuffs. I took my bag kept by my side, opened it up and took out a tiny triangular shaped box. I opened the box and inside laid a shiny stone caught in the ballad of a ring.

This ring had never lost its luster, but it was never answered to be offered. It remained buried in my overcoat three years before and till then it has always waited for the answer. I tried looking away from the ring off through the glass. I could still see my palm etched on the glass. I put my palm on the glass. I could see the falling raindrops flowing past the glass and disappearing behind my palms. I traced those disappearing droplets to find them sipping down underneath, reappearing from the bottom of my palm. But I did not want them to fall off. I wanted to hold them back. I stared at those sipping raindrops or quite some time. Lastly when I knew it was out of my bounds to hold them back I gradually started to slip off my hand off the glass pane. But, as I slipped my palm, i could see another lines pressed hard against the glass.

I knew those lines. I have read them before. I have held them before. I have kissed, hugged them. It was those very same lines that I wanted my name etched in. Mixed with shock and anticipation I waited for the palm to answer my senses. The palm at the other end slowly shifted and I could see a familiar face off the other end of the glass pane. And there she was standing right outside, drenched in rain, her eyes meeting mine.

And behind that face opposite the crying glass, I could see my Diary, again breathing today's date and few more blank pages to follow.

If not for those Tears

If not for those tears,
A day marred in grey
And if not for those tears,
I shouldn't miss yet I pray.

If not for those tears,
Could avoid the inevitable
Yet for those very tears,
The inevitably reason would have disappeared.

If not for those tears,
The eyes might have missed the beauty
And if not for those tears,
those eyes would have missed being naughty.

If not for those tears,
A face smeared wet
And if not for those tears,
The pearls, the more the value begets.

If not for those tears,
A stranger would always had been.
And if not for those tears,
As a stranger,
It always should have been.

Friend

Shine on my blind eyes
till the time my eyes started to see
The light strayed my path apart
A hand softly held me away.
Hand in hand I walked
till the light had its way
And my smile to him
Another smile back at me in return came.

And on I walked,
In search of that hand
and came many of them.
I grabbed as many I could
And they grabbed me back longing the chain.

The road seemed long
the distance grew strong
yet merry felt the ride
They still grabbed me along.

And I found one,
when I thought the rest just left
And when I believed they never were a need
the lone hand snaps,
And I betrayed fell in the abyss dead.
I thought I had let them go
And felt back straight
And I found the ones
still holding me tall again.

The road still showed milestones
that read an infinite bond
of some path smooth
and rest a rough patch to catch on.
Some just held through the journey,
Some left midway.
But who cares for the detour,
I still had the ones I cared.

Age failed faith
and teased on its way ahead.
But no sooner did it take its turn
Those hands soothed the wrinkles away.
No matter the bright,
no matter the darkness,
They were as calm as the shine of the moon
and could even blaze the sun could ever get.

And no later the clock ticked again,
I remembered the old innocent smile
A smile shared in smile,
a tear dropped together rained,
Of happiness like feeling deep
of sorrow they never let reign.
Pranks played lived though ages drained
Of even smiles in times of pain.
Of fighting with fists and bruises paint
and sooth the same with those same hands again.

Like the touch on the skin of the drizzling rain,
I realized their value within
Of what my life had been
If not them,
the meaning lost in being sane
And with them a lesson taught called Life
of times past shared and lived
And times they with me will always spend.
to whom I call as Being a Friend.

PS: Another Attempt :)

Who am I to Judge

Who am I to judge
of the choices made
when the realm at an end
yet the faces fail.

Who am I to judge
of the plays played dark
when the audience still claps
yet the truth did always lack.

Who am I to judge
of the ages past
when lust and love dances far
yet the face smile without a scar.

Who am I to judge
of the lonely roads walked
when the crowd still chatters
yet the shadow seem to float
the being flowing simply apart.

And who am I to judge
of those feelings shared
when they never felt forth
Neither will be they be felt,
Nor could they be again adored.

And If I were to judge,
it would only be me
of my choices of my role
of my lust to love with a lone feeling's bold
of me being me,
And thus shalt thee grow old.

Who do You want to Deny!!!

Who do you want to deny
A hidden hope of being
in the thick of things
And yet pretend to stay low and say
I'm just another human being.

Who do you want to deny
when you breathe in the truth
and yet live on a lie
or is it the truth now creeps in
and burns you like on a living pyre

Who do you want to deny
of people who fell for you
but you for none could live
yet you found your reasons to
sting the feelings that remained.

Who do you want to deny
of all the love you fell for
of things you still said did exist
yet they no longer by your side do exist.

Who do you want to deny
that you have betrayed the love
and in return have kissed the traitors
its not choosing the wrong makes you different
but making it right that makes you a human.

Who do you want to deny
that you failed to be the one
of things you proclaimed to be
of people you boast to be with
of relationships you fell in
of friends you claim to be with
I ask thee again,
Do you still deny to be
a lone stranger
amidst your own known hungry crowd
which you know will slowly cease to exist.
And live on a lie
and still blame the world around
of never understanding thee...

You never Know

You never know,
until you've sown,
The seeds of your deeds
& embrace the one's all ready grown.

You never know,
Until you feel,
The love that you've shared
& the one's you received.

You never know,
until you've seen.
The bare strangeness of the facts
& yet fiction you still breathe.

You never know,
until you would believe.
The vastness of this life's blessings
& the impossibility to know everything.

PS: A lame output of an idle mind... :)

Her Burning Stick

The stick burned still on its stand,
the smoke danced in her angst pattern.
Her eyes drooled to its end
Her lashes reminds of what she yearned.

The lit end showed her past,
the fire that once burnt in her heart.
Of people came uninvited
and some she welcomed past.

Of ones she remembered walking in the rain,
of ones she thought would walk
Of ones she drank coffee till the end
Of ones she left half cup.

Her sight blurred by the dancing smoke
Afraid she won't take in.
The cigarette still burns on
She reminded herself she had quit.

Quit her agony inhaling the smoke,
quit her pain exhaling the same.
Quit her wishes holding the chain
Of people around never earned.

She had a good life she thought,
A short one yet a wonderful one
A last cigar wouldn't hurt her soul
But still deep within she'd always want
at her side someone to give love.

And how she wished she did never walk away,
Of times she smiled subtly
played him and walked hand in hand
And then said goodbye gently.

Then today, It would have been a different day,
It wouldn't have been the smoke
nor the fire bitten stick
And she not amidst the smoke,
As always she longed in his laps
But Of the one,
The sole one who loved her back.

Thoughtless Words...

I hope to have justice with words,
Lest I should get lost in midst of the fog again.
I hope to have peace with me,
Lest I should fall in love again.

Not far from here,
I drenched myself in rain once.
And now from this distance,
Its only rain, yet I stand tall dry.

Once when I knew,
I had this game in my pocket,
And before the game even begun,
I knew this wasn’t a game, but my life on the bet.

Yet I took the dice,
And threw the roll
The jackpot never stroke,
But still I gambled galore.

Not was it greed that blinded me,
Neither lust nor loss did make me.
I guess its just her I sought
And none other shall complete me.

And they said I’m hopelessly in love,
And yet they said it can also end up on yet another cup
Filled to brim to the dregs that remained.
Thinking oh wat great coffee it was,
Yet the real taste of it laid in the person in front.

And if it has to be the way of the dregs,
A book, one cigarette would have been a loyal friend.
But wat I sought in her eyes
Might everybody missed,
But I knew without her my life is amiss!!!

Is It?

Its really hard to smile,
Blurred by your sight,
Looking onto the way,
Amidst your own teary eyes.

Its really hard to fake
the happiness that never within,
Laughing out loud,
from a hollow heart's ring.

Its really hard to accept,
to have stopped and expect
of words that never were kept
and yet they demand respect.

Its really hard to believe
of Love so immensely rained.
or were the clouds too dry?
or the sky too small a canvas for her paint.

But is it really that hard to see
the lowly laid eyes, with brimming love inside
to just realize once and hug my despairs
to believe and to let me believe in thus.

Or is it that simple to overlook
that never did mattered
yet just another audience in your play I took part,
on just some random stage,
where a clap and lonely me, you depart....

Not When I knew...

And not when I knew I was lost,

I held onto the parched cloth,

of once when it belonged to her,

the heat seeping in and hugged to it smiling me.

And not when I knew, the path was gone,

I followed the same old shadow,

of once when her and mine were one,

of now it reflected only mine.

And not when I knew, the voice disappeared,

I hummed to the same old song,

of when I heard the melody of it,

Now only words, but the music all lost.

And last when I knew, I was lost,

The parched cloth still wound around,

The shadow less path still flowed ahead,

the song still heard distantly

Yet my hope never failed,

I walk on the path all over again...

Faith

An aide called Faith
did never I found.
Lest I cry should I never frown,
An aide called Faith did never I need
Am happy to just stop others' crying bleeds.

An aide called Faith, never did call,
when needed most when I did fall.
An aide called Faith did I never recall,
I claim my future with my present standing tall.

An aide called Faith, did never remembered
when lost in paradise, I burned in hell.
An aide called Faith, did even I forgot,
I remained calm smiling on my wound's shell.

An aide called Faith, did now give me her glimpse,
of when forgotten and lost, I saw her beauty gleam.
An aide called Faith I called on her again.
But now she dissapeared amidst the silhouttes, only me to be blamed.
And I like an animal with the first blood taste,
now wring in pain, fallen in love
with her shadows on broken panes
Taken the bait, I search for thee,
my lost Faith in you, for I know
Thou shalt find your Faith in me.

A Messege

The hands do never rest
Clocks its tick tock ways,
& so many words just get swallowed
amidst the waves of million hollows.

O thee, the breeze that blows,
Send my message, echo thy glows.
Read my lips, my heart that shouts
the loud silence echoin' around.

If once lest your breath just slow,
Should my rhythm apart, that she might know.
The tumbling feet may never rise.
For her will see even my closed eyes.

The Questions

How does it feel when you know,
you can't love anyone apart from the one
You probably will never be with?
Would this fact ever reduce your love for her?
or would just wearing that pretentious smile,
ever paint the grey heart of yours?
Or would that stop you from doing things,
The way she found it to be good?
Or would it be like another sleepless night
Writhing in pain under your hood?
Or would it ever stop you from seeing her,
Though ages apart she been never there?
Or would you just bow your head smiling for her happiness,
When you know the unamounted happiness for her
remains in that heart of yours stored?

And if these questions shout out loud for answers,
You smile in your heart,
And realize how you start loving even harder.
And if not perturbed by any of these,
Let's stop for a moment, go back in time.
And learn what is love for now and hereafter...

He Cries in Prayers

Strange are the ways he crossed the paths,
With someone determined to be never apart
But still unseen amidst the seen he walked,
Always far, the distance would never depart.

And lest they would haunt,
He should close his eyes.
But how shall the etched image vanish,
Should the tears wash it away,
Of what was dreamt can only be a dream again.

The livid angst never does lose,
A happy yet hollow mask he wore,
And his smile worth a million to others'
But not the one returned, for him to smother.

Now even the pandora's box seems empty,
Blood as words flow as ink,
The body becomes the mortal pen
And life as the page for a living diary.

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She...

Amidst the crowd,
She walked away Careless,
as a stranger her footsteps lay,
Never cared for what be there ahead,
Though being seen, she got lost again.

Glimpses I sought in words around,
Of those few memories found,
the dust never did sublime on,
the age old album never lost ground.

Her smile spoke a thousand words,
her eyes blinked a million thoughts,
her tantrums like those priceless songs,
for her words , I have always longed.

I quench my thirst drinking the distance,
letters in red kept by her side,
the age old smile which marked her grace,
A memoir of her the god has sent.

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The Reaper and the Soul

His soul clanged to lifeless body,
His breath low, dazed and gloomy,
A thin curve on his lips,
Hugged by death, yet the smile slips.

And the Reaper stood by his side,
through his holocaust cloak, eyes gleamed sharp
carrying his scythe larger than life
He asked the soul why it still did bind?

The soul replied in turn,
for it didn't feel the way,
Nor do exist touch nor the pain,
neither the blowing air, nor the scent,
but just the coldness of your scythe ahead

It's only the body, now that remains
that reminds me of her
of how it felt,
to breathe her in and never let go
in those arms, It felt like home again.

With a Smile...

Calm and with a beguile smile,
She asked the same question again,
Is it too hard to forget the one,
with whom once time passed,
And the hands of the clock won't return.

A face she kept clear,
shed those lines of curiosity,
well hidden by her beautiful smile,
she would turn and quest again,
That is it too much a toll to forget.

She would look away,
Into the abyss,
smile and hit tenderly,
Look back right into the eye
and ask, Isnt being fair,
is next to being beautiful.

And I keep my silence,
replying the answers,
For the present so blessed,
The past seems long undressed.
For so much the toll it takes,
Lest I forget the moment,
should today comes to a brake.
If fair would've defined beauty,
then your smile and your face,
Even the word beauty would've failed its duty.

And I look into her eyes,
And see what she finally thinks of me.
And for the time in silence away while,
I answer her quest with another smile.

An Illusion

"She loves me? She Loves me Not. She Loves Me? She Loves me Not."- and the petals of the rose fell apart one by one on the soft ground beneath with this slow chanting of my heart. And as the sands of time seep-ed through, the rose bush beside me was slowly becoming naked of its blossoms and if it wasn't for that familiar red hat that I saw from behind the bushes, I would have started to uproot the rose plant.

And there she was, wearing a blazing red hat, small twinkling earings of the shape of a guitar, a sleek silver bracelet in her left arm, a jet black top and a pink capri, she stood in front of me and that was the most beautiful scene I could ever imagine of at that very moment. Spell-bounded and mystified my jaw dropped down, I kept on staring at her and by the time I got my sense back, I could see people around gazing at me wide eyes as though I was some kind of a loafer on the street. Embarrassed on myself i saw the drooping stem of the rose in my hand and threw it away. She caught me throwing the stem away and said "Again???"

I met her three years back at my sister's marriage. Wearing a red lehanga, I saw her giggling amidst her friends. Well all girls giggles, but for what reason, I still haven't managed to figure it out. But then, at that moment I was stuck in a moment through those giggles and her smiles and thought that she is the one and none could be as beautiful as she could be. Somehow I managed to have a chat with her and out of the blues, I took up the courage to ask her out for coffee and thats how it all started. I still remember the day and date when i bent on my knees proposed her on a street full of strangers. And what did she reply? NOTHING!!!....A soft smile and then vanish away. An Illusion!!!

Three years passed away and I still am waiting for an answer. Tomorow she is going to leave for bangalore for further studies but it isn't for the fact that she is going away that is making me sulk but the fact that she is in love with someone else and hence following her path that would lead her to him. Infact, this also isn't the fact thats making me sulk, but the wait for an answer even now when I know she is in love with an other person is what making me all the more impatient.

I accompanied her to the airport the following day. I could see her tears round the corners of her eye and I could feel there still is something between us that could be reaped through, but somehow there is this dam inside her pupils that is stopping those tears to drop off her shiny plated eyelashes. And finally when the time came for us to part our ways, I asked her for the last time for an answer and with a beguile smile and a tender touch on my cheek, she vanishes away again. An Illusion.

Its been years and I still am waiting for an answer. Waiting in vain, searching trying to hear a familiar voice around me just to answer my old question- "Do you Love me?". And suddenly it felt like Gods answering to my prayer, I saw her emerging out the fog, jumping and singing merrily, running off towards me with a face so happy that one could ever be and she crossed the fence with a leap and stood in front of me. But wait! Whats This? The happy face was not there anymore. She somehow looked astonished at the scene she saw. She took her hand out of her pocket and tried to rub off a deep layer of dust from a stone that lay ahead. And I could see those beautiful pearl drop down her face from her eyes. She was crying. She fell on the ground and read the name read on the tombstone- MY NAME. She broke all apart. With a kiss to the dead, she then said through those wet eyes and broken heart- "I am back for you. And heres your answer- Yes I do Love you".

And now my wait ended. Standing beside here in soul but with no body and bones, I could see her, but couldn't touch her and feel her, I stand there helpless and turn my feet away. Now it was the real time for us to part our ways. My wait ended but this time it wasn't her but me who vanished away. AN ILLUSION!!!

Let Us....

Let us go for a dance again,
drenched by the skin, poured drops in rain.
Or are those days so past by,
Cheeks wetted by tears
And the dry heart cry insane?

Let us go down that bridge again,
Which trembled by our bare footsteps on the lane.
Or is it the fear that reside in,
Of where you put your foot
on ground may never sink?

Let us walk down those alleys again,
Where our chorus echoed the dark lane,
and the silence had been our sole audience.
Or do you back down your steps still,
The darkness and the silence engulfing you again?

Let us dream our world again,
Where never did we depart,
Or is it the cards, that got rusted
The castle you fear would never sustain.

Let us not repeat history again,
Of what once happened should be a mystery again.
Why I ask should we ever look back,
or was that all just a dream,
And just a tingle touch remain?....

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Kolkata

A familiar turning round the corner,
The same old road, the same old air.
The shops still remain the same,
And memories even bring faces bare.

The age old bookshop on the street,
The same old shop selling the unforgettable tea.
The smell of nicotine even smells fair,
Of the one selling poochkas by the square.

The old wry smile of the old guy on chair,
Who used to call by for an evening care.
strange though the relationship was,
Being such strong, none knew what our names was....

The old coffee place on the same old seat,
Laughing, smiling lost in the beat.
Of friends around with the same old face,
And even smiling, yet none before present.

The same old addiction to this never ending drug,
Family of strangers, and relatives as friends,
tea served in mudden cups,
food eaten on fresh leaves green,
a smile, a tear smeared and shared,
faces yet varied, yet heart the same,
And howsoever they try the warmth remains,
And truly the spirit raises a toast,
Filling you with happiness most.
Welcome to the same old city,
the city of joy the city of preety.