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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Confessions of a Lonely Mind

I still wonder if I really am stuck on those few threads which I believe that they still exist even
though knowing the fact that they have been broken apart years before I realized it. May be cause, I'm too coward to accept the fact or to say in rather harsh words, the truth really did take a hell lot of toll on me. Even though aware of the fact that the truth would sorely tax on me, but I could come over it, I never really did give it a try. Might be for one reason of me being madly in love with my own fantasy world, a world full of joy, fun, frolic, excitement, adventure and unbounded love. But my own world turned out to be a kind of a battlefield, with the stinking smell of cold war blowing over it and it hit me back too hardly as I never really did expect it to.

And to pity on me all the more I repeated my mistake not once, twice or thrice but each and every time, while I always had the chance of being on the safe side of the tide. But no matter what, mistakes are always followed by the punishments and the tides hit me hard on the face, and to my deep surprise, it still seems impossible to awaken me from my deep somber sleep. It seems as if death is a regular visitor by my doorstep, never really did come to take away my soul but to leave me with pain and suffering to suck away my poor life.

And now after all these time, I still seem to be in my own fantasy world overlooking the fact that
around me lied a world full of treachery, betrayal, felony and not an ounce of love remaining in the air but still I pretended it to be the same merry place as it always had been. It would have been soon that I would have ceased to exist, but there was still a ray of hope of my survival and that was the river gushing straight from my burning city of angels, which others called as life for me and I called it friendship.

And with every drop from this river that touched my soul, arose the same question again and
again that did I really deserved to be in this wretched place where at one time I really lived in my own ambiance, a world accepted and still loved by others. And ages passed, finding the answer to this quest, trying to blaze off the flame of guilt from me and accusing others to have been at fault and to have murdered my soul dragging me into all these mess, but today, at this venture of my journey where After all these accusation the river really did exist to give me my last hope for survival, I finally found the answer to the quest and it never really did come as a surprise to know the fact that I, all along have been at fault.

I might have created my own world of fantasy, fun frolic, love and adventure and known that I have been residing in it for so many years but what I didn't know was that in the very process of
building my world, many more joined in to make my world complete or to be more precise make me complete. And I being ignorant never really did gave them a damn and started drifting to a place so unknown, losing my conscious gradually and started living the lie, pretending that I still existed at the very place where I started from. And time just flew like the sands on dunes and before I could realize, before I could mend things up, the whole dune shifted and by the time I returned to my place made up by my own hands, I found it barren, not a single beating heart to find a rhythm with mine. It is then I realized, that what a valuable time I wasted following a non chalant trail of blood which I could have utilized to win a million hearts, a never ending list of friends and so much more love immortal and eternal in its own way, but all just vanished like a puff in the smoke, all because of my arrogance, stubbornness and ignorance.

Time indeed is the best teacher in life. It really did turn things upside down sometimes but at the end does keep a way open for us to seek a way out. The one last chance that Time did leave me for rebuilding my world of fantasy is that through the river of friendship and it never went dry. It still flows the same way as it had been washing my soul before. But I still find myself weak, timid, crouched with fear and Time really did showed me the hard way round for now I really had to wake up to face the bare truth and no matter how harsh it turned out to be it really did bloom out the man in me.

And now again, I start to cultivate my land with those echoing laughter, jeers and mockery, with a blend of never ending selfless love and with friends who always had been there may it be in times of my happiness or sorrow, a place where fun, laughter and enjoyment will rule, love will have its eternal glory and feelings would be felt from the very core of the heart.

And for people who never really did understand the above few lines and I really don't care for
those damn losers as I have never did anyways. So I'll be happy if they would satisfy themselves by sucking some other place or to be polite...


And for people who forgive me for not realizing their worth in my life and for those who really did understand some of those vague lines; I welcome you to my world with open arms.

1 comment:

Satty_conquerer said...

Dude its high time fr you 2 shed away all those confused thots of yours tat r echoed in ur words...... Break free frm ur world.... look up there's a bigger better more colourful world awaiting you wid arms wide open n bated breath 2 welcome you..... 2 love u....... nd blive me dis world will give u more love n care than wats remnant in ur world.......

tats a well wisher's thot...