Waiting...

When time whiles

In search of the eyes to ponder

Silence to be heard

Of words to be uttered

When the sun just peeks

Amidst the mist 

All what you see is the silver lining 

Still the grey day hangs around

Bringing back nostalgia

When the modern player

Plays the still old songs

All it reminds of the first broken record

Just to sing it to

The empty space around

And with bated eyes

A wry smile on your lips

A stone upturned away you shy

Echoing in the silence

All when the time slips slowly

Counting the sands pouring

Into the eon you look

Waiting...

Hoping against hope 

Waiting...

The Subtlety

There was a subtlety

In that smile to see.

The innocence reflected

Off the still water thee.

An enlightening soul

Thee called me near

From far away beyong the reach.

Yet the burning desire 

Just to be there

Right beside where

You and I breathed the same air.

There's a subtlety

To your hair

Shone like the silent water off the melting ice

Flowing swiftly swaying in the cold breeze

A soft scent of despair,

A smell of that fresh air

For miles apart, thy silk route shone

As the fall pouring from the mountain comes

To a place where 

I would wait and see

Just mine and my reflection from thee.

There's a subtlety

To those words spoken

Soft as a tap 

On the windows of pouring rain.

The droplets fall 

Yet hoping against na hope could never meet. 

Echoing their distant words in a silent murmur,

Of the times remembered

Yet forgotten under the same ol pain.

& Those subtle 

Moments I yearned for,

Never understood those seconds that was close by.

Missed in a heartbeat

For numbers and this materialism drove me far

I stood beyond the wall

Over my ripped soul apart,

Searching for my happiness in thy smile,

I subtly walk away,

My footsteps reveries far,

Yet echoes in her reminiscent heart. 

The Unbearable Silence

The stars were alight
All at a distance afar,
Never saw others' twinkle
Neither their dim silence
Echoin their story to start.

The little tweaks
In the dark lit sky
Drowned in its darkness beneath
Rode two lost souls
Along the lonely road far.

There was never a goodbye,
Never a wave in the air.
There was never a word
Reigned the longest silence
Hard to bear.

Time worked it's fancy
It's hands never tired
All those years just flew by
Amidst each seconds apart.

Yet there was no turning back
For moments later, 
The souls would just drift apart
Like those stars in the night sky
Twinkling, yet unseen
Unknown of their end and the start!

And yet....

There was never a goodbye,
Never a wave in the air.
There was never a word
Reigned the longest silence
The most hardest to bear....

Take me home

Take me home,
I remember the candid walks,
Down the road.
Carry my soul,
To the place, where the tides hit the shore.

The bridge rattled far.
A cold breeze blew amidst us all.
The heavy crowd walked past
Never hearing those silent whispers.

The autumn with its petals colors all.
The naked trees, they stand tall,
Dripping rain and dew down by the drops.
And i'm tired of this wait,
Of questions answered with a smile as a bait.

SO.....Take me home,
I remember the candid walks,
Down the road.
Carry my soul,
To the place, where the tides hit the shore.

The bridge rattled far.
A cold breeze blew amidst us all.
The heavy crowd walked past
Never hearing those silent whispers.

Oooooo

Take me home,
I still feel her breath,
the Warm flow down on my neck.
Carry my soul,
To the place, where our lips first met.
And I'm still alive here
Walking drenched in the same old summer rain.

So take me home,
Where I'll see
the long forgotten face.
Carry my soul,
To the place, where I'll come alive once again.

(guitar 
plucking)
Oooo take my home
Oooo wouldn't you take me home now
Oooo take me home now

The walk to the table

The walk was always memorable
It was almost regular
The table was there as usual
The wood shone bright as ever

The sun played hide and seek
Yet had his warmth on us
The table welcomed us under the bright sky
Kept opposite apart yet kept our eyes locked together.

Those days seems like a myth
A legend long gone
Happiness as remembered changed course
The sun merely showed his face
The sky cried ages still
The table never welcomed anyone ever
Went amiss under a blanket 
Of the dead leaves reminding us 
Of what was so beautiful alive
Now just lost without a soul..

Notes

Of so many small sticky notes
Of year long written yet speechless words
On the crisps of paper
Or just a typed board
They still stick around 
And never let go.

For all they carry a tiny piece of time
All forgotten yet few seconds of rhyme
Like a cloud in a clear blue sky
A thunder , lightning and words rains by.

Time never does stop its rhythm
History repeats, yet the end unpredicted
The days never stay the same,
But the moments and the date 
The notes never fail to tame
A simple mind, a throbbing hurt
Dry yet it moists up your game.

Come to think of it
It's just words
All that takes 
In those small notes 
To make your memory alive again!!! 

The cliché of Forever

Some love gained 

And many more lost
The locks still remain
Burdened on the bridge in a golden burn
The names still lingers 
But the people are ghost
Mostly a lie,
Yet together they hoped!!! 

I want but I won't Be

When asked, she wanted faithful, irrespective of being one insensitive narcissist...
Too bad dogs can't be men!!
You can chain two at a time...

The Silent Walk

I walk amidst

the silent crowd
of echoing laughter
and meaningless sound.

My footsteps speak louder among,
Those of the soulful songs,
For eyes peer all around
to thy lone soul
that walk along
To a place 
For none for thee wait.

In the busy hustle 
swept amidst the dark sky night
in the fog of the crowded hollowness
kept for thee as a bait
To a place the light shine bright
Yet darkness reign thy sight
And yet never did thee halt
and thy shadow growing in height.

An Utopia they said,
in a desert of lonely placid
And yet thee walk on the bones
of the souls once tread
and now rests in souls underneath the rusted stones
to embrace the silence
In search for thee,
And Yet be alone!!!

Tired

I am tired,
of cleaning up on others' mess
of running around
on a wild goose chase
of love that had always been,
but shrugged away and never seen;
of ghosts of the past relics alive
and haunting of the present time;
Of mind so confused and eyes crying
in rivers of not, but what should have been mine;
In times of loyalty, love and rhyme,
dwelling excuses that never did sublime,
lest there should be a sun shining high,
Yet its always dark, no rays on me shine.
And yet I wake up for that blind sun,
who deny my very existence,
 leave me to burn
in the cold chime wave of its scorching flame,
And me breathing my love for her as anthem!!!

But not all could sustain my breathing soul
For the one, that I had always thrived
for the last time to meet her eyes,
And she walked away on my burning pyre
Letting me lay silent amidst the fire
Oh yes, I am tired...
Oh yes, I am tired...... 

I Confess

I must confess I did drown in those eyes
in the bold brown sand under the blue skies,
Of the laughter that echoed 
on those known roads walked 
and of the stories untold yet out of the box.

I must confess I never had been quiet
yet my thoughts spoke aloud by another sight.
Of the myriad patterns in pursuit of happiness
yet forgetting the very precious moment alive.

I must confess I have always looked back
of things that might have 
and tread past the present
and yet now i feel in harmony
of being me with the one
and the rest sublime in an endless eon.

And the things I confessed might have always lingered
Had I not met the one to have treed along
of the dawn colored with patience 
the day basked under thy rays
the dusk in thee sweet separation
and the night ending amidst the echoing silence.

And yet i remain silent
I still confess, I still confess....

My Dream Box

I have this box
locked up with my dreams
of spaces and hills
and running in the mist.

But I lost what i had,
of what made these come to life
of things that cease to exist
to my dreams I lost the keys!

And I searched for it everywhere
of places that were never there.
But just smokes and dust
of the past lingered
yet neither the shine nor the luster wandered...

And in dismay, I trod the path.
Of destiny that I often met
on the road to avoid
that should never be tread.

And yet we never do give it a thought
of the spaces
round the corner of our heart,
where shalt we lie,
truly in our shelter of love
of deep within,
exists us,
the real soul that enjoys the show,
And when I met him,
he had the glow,
of the tiny little thing I wanted to know
to which now the box clicks open
And yes, I have my dreams again!!!

The Tale of the Princess

It was a fine Saturday Morning. A cold yet warm breeze blew few strands of her silky hairs off her eyes. The sun mildly strokes her beauty, waking her up, to see the nature of those beauties in her eyes. Oh, she was happy. She was thinking of returning home soon to see her loved ones, to hear her father prescribing medicines for his patients, to hear her mother calling her to have the best made food she have ever tasted in her life and memories round the corner to make her world complete. She woke up, stretched herself and opened the curtains to let the nature see the beauty she beheld and to see the beauty in nature itself.

She went down the staircase towards the canteen, thinking it might be the last time she might have to eat the food at a stranger’s hand, and even might be the last time; she might have to ride some wretched cycle without brakes. She couldn’t think anything but of course home. She had been homesick for quite some time and the only view her brown bold eyes could see was of the freshly green garden in front of her house, smelling the scent of the wet ground sitting cozily in her porch.

And the only thing which held her here from what she wished was her posting. She had been holding her heart for a long time for this day to know where she might be posted and for all the reasons and those long talks she did with the official, she was sure she would be home soon enough.

But fate always had its own ring to play the tune. In another few hours she found herself sitting right opposite the man she thought would have helped her to return back to her place. Prince held his head a little low when he spoke next- ‘Princess, I am sorry, but you have been posted here.’ Prince tried to look for a hint of reflection in her, but her beauty did not smother a single bit, but what he failed to see in those eyes which burst into tears yet none seemed to fall. She stood with a thunderous echo in her silence, managed a heart melting smile and went back to her room.

Prince managed a sigh of relief, for he did not want the most beautiful person to vanish off his sight and he had managed to keep the light alive for himself. But little did he knew, the girl who passed by was not all beauty, but had her brains at her right place. She had been growing up in a family of doctors and brains for the likes of them when used for the betterment, can be the most precious gift of god, else it can be the work of the devil. Oh the Prince caught the wrong Princess to play games.

Early Sunday morning was yet another perfect morning for the Princess, but Prince was not sure where the morning would disappear for himself. He opened the door of his room; still with the cup of coffee he was sipping to see Princess at his doorstep. For any other day, he would have been more than happy to have coffee with her, but there was something wrong with her. Her face and hands were all swollen to the core. She looked at him appealingly, for help that’s what Prince thought, but what reflected next, shook the very earth off his shadows too. Her anger melted the very soul of the room and she blabbered-‘Had you believed me, I am allergic to this place; you would have let me go!!!’

The words did the magic. Prince found himself panting all-round the office premises to rectify for what he had done. The selfishness dipped in guilt took every ounce of him ripping his soul apart. By the end of the day, Princess knew she was going back home.

The very next day, Prince stood by the gate to bid her his silent goodbye. He could not look at her. But still, he tried to have a last look of her. But what he saw next, he just could not believe himself.

She looked as beautiful as ever, elegantly walking past with her suitcase and chatting like the mild breeze in an autumn with her friends out of the gate for her way back home. She stepped out of the gate and stopped. She glanced back to see the awed face of Prince, her cunning, heartbreaking smile on her lips and finally turned back with laughter ringing in his ears for her destination.

Oh yes, the Princess was indeed allergic to the place. Everything was good about this place, but Princess wasn’t very happy about it. After all it wasn’t her home. For what would take her back home, was nothing more than to rub a lube of pollen of which she was indeed allergic to, and wait for fifteen minutes to see the magic of it. And she knew the magic was very well performed. Being a doctor’s daughter, she already knew the medicines to get her right back in shape.

And the Princess walked in her royal reign not waiting for fate to tell the tale but wrote her own fate for her story to become a Tale!!!

A Page of the Diary

10^th August 2009

'Monday was a Holiday from office and it was raining heavily. I laid back lazily on my bed looking outside off my porch at the world colored wet by the shiny huge drops. The dawn deemed like a woman wrapped in a blue veil with an orange glow around and her face up to the rains pouring down her closed eyelids; and I swear I would never see such a beauty ever again. And as I thought of beauty, I realized my point of getting up so early on such a beautiful morning. I sacrificed the comfort of my bed, joined my hands and bowed to god for a small prayer. Not because I was too devoted to offer a prayer for such a beautiful morning, but cause of the fact that a holiday on Monday is like a dream of every Sunday night and seeing it come true makes us believe that the almighty is still up there. For the rest of the days, he just mocks us.

The daily routine changes a little on a Monday morning. Like for the fact for a bachelor, not brushing on a weekend is not a thing to get shocked upon, skipping a bath since its already raining outside and the water from the taps is cold enough to woo the living soul out of our live bodies and so on and so forth. I mean, even describing a bachelor men’s' lifestyle can make people faint, but the logical one’s do get the point behind it. It’s just we test our laziness so that we could beat it the coming five working days. But today still being a holiday, I kept aside my bachelor hood style for a moment and dressed up, picked up my car keys and stepped out of my home for a small drive out of town.

Even the sun seemed in two minds today to wake up and get out off those dimly lit hills. It just rested his head over there peeking at the world around. I wished him to remain out there at least for today. I sat in my car and turned the engines to life. I could hear my baby speak right back to me. 

‘Good Morning’ I said and I drove out off on the highway.

I was on my way to Belgaum. It’s a small village on the border of Karnataka and Maharashtra. From where I lived, it just took 3 hours of journey to be there. There are some beautiful places on the way to this place and monsoons make Belgaum all the more welcoming. But today it was for a very different reason that I was there. She will be coming down to Belgaum from the city. I shall be seeing her after ages and moreover it’s her 23^rd Birthday today. And what else could make the season all the more welcoming.

And there it was, as I took the turn, I could see it, the same old cafe hidden midst the trees. I stopped outside the cafe, my heart beats beating fast. It’s as if my heart was racing with my eagerness of getting out of the car and rushing into the cafe to see that beautiful face. I parked my car in a haywire manner and rushed inside. There she was, right at the place that I always found her to be, at the corner of the cafe, with the glass pane at her left and she as always lost in the view outside through the wet dripped glass. I regained my composure, since I did not want her to see my eagerness, but she caught me in the act. She stood up and came rushing towards me and hugged me tightly. I lost all the formalities and composure for the moment and hugged her back.

We sat at our usual place beside the fireplace round the end of the cafe and beside the glass pane. The owner had known me for years now. 

He didn't perturb us while we were having our moment but a little later as we settled down, he came up by our table and said in his ever cheery voice –‘Babu and Mem, it’s been a long time since we saw you in here. So do I prepare the usual for you two?’ 

And a chorus yes echoed off instantly to his question. He gave us a small courteous smile and went back.

I turned towards her. It took me sometime to take in her whole beauty since the very next moment she was laughing at my thawed expression. I realized I ought not to have been looking at her in awe or at least should have closed my mouth during the process. But she of course knew me. She smiled carelessly at me and I could not apologize more, since I was quite embarrassed too. We started catching up with old times, but I could see her growing edgy on me. I mean I knew what I was missing and it was she wanted from me but I just ignored the fact for the moment. After some time, she turned grumpy and started looking outside the glass pane. I knew it was time that I stop acting. I rose up from my seat and went beside her. She now didn't care for what I was doing. She was all lost counting the raindrops flowing against the glass pane. 

I took her hand in mine and kissed her on the cheek. By the time she could absorb of what I had done at the moment I whispered – ‘Happy B’day baby’.

A smile ran across her face and she stood and hugged me. But I could sense her quivering in my arms. I looked at her for one moment, everything seemed to be all right, yet I had that unusual instinct of discomfort. I chose to ignore my instincts for the moment. It was a very precious time for her as well as mine. 

I put my hands deep into my overcoat and said to her – ‘Baby, I got something very small yet a precious gift for you. You would just need to answer to get it’. 

But before I could even ask her she caught hold off my hand with her and with another she put them on my lips. I hushed up instantly. She turned back and said to me ‘I’m leaving’.

I stood stunned for a couple of seconds. I looked at her curiously for answers, questions, advice, something, which would unravel me off this sub-conscious state.

 ‘This isn’t a joke, right baby!!!’

 ‘No’ she replied.

 I was not ready for the words still yet to come. I took my seat opposite her. She tried looking at me directly into my eyes, but somehow could not and tactically hid the rains in her eyes with her dancing eyelashes and her smooth eyelids. I was numb and silent. 

To my loud silence, she answered – ‘I have got another job in the States. I need to leave tomorrow morning. My mom would pick me up from there and ..’ and I cut across her statement  ‘so u meant you were leaving off to the States for job reasons right, but the way you said you were leaving, I just felt the oxygen kicked out off my lungs for some time.’

She remained quite. The echoing silence was eating me out alive. I was searching for an answer.

‘Yes and No’ she replied.

‘And was that supposed to mean?’

‘Yes, I’m leaving for the States, and No we cannot be together anymore. I mean I do not want you to keep waiting for me neither do I want you to get hurt by the distance. I know the distance had always been there but now being miles away, across international borders, I really cannot see the future ….’

I rose up from my seat. I've heard enough of her words.

‘A little trust is what you need'

These were my last words to her. I rushed out of the cafe and stood there in the rain. Every tear out of my eyes dropped off like waterfall. I turned round the corner towards my car, saw her at the same seat still seated. I went up to the glass pane. I was too afraid to think of a life without her and at the same time was left with no other option but the same. I raised my hand and kept it on the glass. A second later, I could see a shadow up against the glass. She had placed her palm against mine separated by the crying glass between us. I managed a subtle smile on my face, since I did not want her to start a new life making her feel grumpy and guilty. Forcefully yet slowly, I took away my palm off the glass and tried looking beyond. But all that I managed was her smooth lines pressed hard against the glass. I turned back, walked to my car and drove back home.'

A chill went up my spines as I closed my diary reading the page for the umpteenth time. I tried hard to get back into the real world. I shrugged off the diary away from me. It’s been three years since this page had dreaded me every single day to this day. I tried to think of something, other than the contents of this page. Something that would make me feel good, that would help me feel human again, but alas, the brain was dead, my heart numb and my body a zombie.

I rather decided to have a sip of my coffee and think how in the first place did I end up here? I was travelling to the hills; I lost my map, stayed at a local's place for a night, started my journey again and strayed down to Belgaum again. So I land up in Belgaum after three years. But the strangest part of the co-incidence being the date, 10th August.

I was sitting on the same table as we used to sit before. I looked down the cafe and memories came streaming in. I could see the flowerbed as always neatly played near the reception table. I remember plucking out flowers for her and never did the owner miss yelling at me for plucking them. I could see the guitar placed at the other end, which I remembered toying with in front of her. I use to play music on my cell and use to pretend playing the riffs all way down and she use to laugh on my antics. Though now, I was affluent with the instrument. Last but not the least; my eyes went up to the glass pane.

It had started raining for about an hour. The raindrops crashed against the hard glass. It's then I noticed how these joyful raindrops burst open on hitting the glass. Every drop collapsed on the glass, tries to regain her parts, tingling down the glass, catching the other drops and rapidly falling off it. The view kind of got hazy for me. It's not long before I realized that my eyes were even spilling some of those drops. I wiped them off my cuffs. I took my bag kept by my side, opened it up and took out a tiny triangular shaped box. I opened the box and inside laid a shiny stone caught in the ballad of a ring.

This ring had never lost its luster, but it was never answered to be offered. It remained buried in my overcoat three years before and till then it has always waited for the answer. I tried looking away from the ring off through the glass. I could still see my palm etched on the glass. I put my palm on the glass. I could see the falling raindrops flowing past the glass and disappearing behind my palms. I traced those disappearing droplets to find them sipping down underneath, reappearing from the bottom of my palm. But I did not want them to fall off. I wanted to hold them back. I stared at those sipping raindrops or quite some time. Lastly when I knew it was out of my bounds to hold them back I gradually started to slip off my hand off the glass pane. But, as I slipped my palm, i could see another lines pressed hard against the glass.

I knew those lines. I have read them before. I have held them before. I have kissed, hugged them. It was those very same lines that I wanted my name etched in. Mixed with shock and anticipation I waited for the palm to answer my astonishment. The palm at the other end slowly shifted and I could see a familiar face off the other end of the glass pane. And there she was standing right outside, drenched in rain, her eyes meeting mine.

And behind that face opposite the crying glass, I could again see my Diary breathing with a few more blank pages and today’s date.

Forgive

And life is all but a part of the game

For people come and leave all the same.

For those who matter stick around,

For those who don’t walk out of bound

 

For you cannot avoid pain every time,

For those enjoying happiness,

Can’t blame for some pain in life.

If not strong to endure the pain

What right do you have to be happy and sane?

For you came as a breeze in my life,

A calm yet strong feeling by my side

For times I have loved and would want to be with you,

For times you hurt and walked out into the blue.

 

And I can’t blame for me being used,

I was happily selfish to be with you,

And since lest I should need you,

And you aren’t there anymore

Does that give me the right to be angry forever?

 

Life doesn’t come with a manual in hand,

But a body and soul to understand!!!

If you been hurt, or did hurt to some,

Blessed be those to forgive and get forgiven.

For no big a gift than forgiving there can be,

A cure to the heart can only be love,

And not anguish and hatred within.

Loneliness

This familiar scent brushes the evening.

I have had this essence a long time back
I remember the smell yet again,
Strangely never wanted to but in midst of it
I am back to where I started years back in the rain.

And the smell takes me back
to where had only me
and none to look back
Just me and my breathe
and the world at bay
none cared to look my way.

And yet I smiled,
a curl of the lips,
a twitch in my hips,
And I gave away my everything
None that remained with me
Weak and dead, strangled by the neck
The blood all rushed from my feet.

And the same scent brings forth
the same old days
of now only me again
the world again at bay
The shadow even lost in its sway.
And i reckoned the scent's ray.
I had lost it all
I shall never regain

Come my friend, I have known you'd be back
Come loneliness, come take me away...

Solitude is the profoundest fact of human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone, and the only one who seeks....to realize himself in another.

The Shards of Glasses

And the peices all scattered aside,
strangled by my own guide
All they reflect is thy
belief, trust and love
lost and burned, laughed and mocked
Played like a child's toy.

Ripped they lay all around,
every peice makes be bound.
A deep gash,
A spill of blood,
and thy menancing smile
leave the deepest wound.

And yet I try to collect
peices by peices
to make them whole,
and thy mock standing
batter the remains
neither tears, nor feelings,
you smashed me in and out.

I shalt rise,
walking on these same shards
and might someday thy may realise,
its not just words,
A heart is what makes someone a Human!!!

The Play

It was all a play,
the curtain closed a long way.
And I still played the role
unknown in solitude my soul.

The lights were dimmed,
The stage was clean,
Tthe applause still thundered
jeered and mocked on my blunder.

And there amidst I could see the face.
Smiling, pretending as always.
a senile smile on the murderer's face,
ripped my heart with an ominous grace.

I lay dead face on the mud,
breathing the sole scent I had known.
But a whisper down by my side
get up, its just another play
your role is yet to go.

The Dry Face of Destiny

Neither words, nor the song
Shall mend the roads once walked.
Neither touch nor love 
can bring back whats lost and will be gone.


Neither bonds, nor destiny
shall take me back where I belonged.
Neither solace, nor solitude
would make me again strong.


Neither laugh, nor tears
shall now fall off the face.
Neither the soul, nor eyes
can see what lies beneath my fears.



For I have seen, eyes pounding beats
on what I loved and believed back to be.
For I have seen the longing back towards,
For a friend to a friend indeed.


For I have believed more
On the wretched lines etched long ago.
For all I know happiness never did,
Yet sorrow rejoiced its glow.


For all I've feared
to have seen unknown faces.
For all I fear that truth lost,
Only shattered glasses prevailed.


And I amidst those shards,
walk on a bloodied path.
My soul, my life my blood
Still shouts till my breathe last


The dry face of destiny
still laughs in the echoing silence,
for what thy felt,
lest you should go
For what I felt
You'll always be felt,
 for ages to come
and ages to go.... 

Friend

A friend indeed,
A very good one
Traits just like you,
But with a lost knot,
And hence you are you
And yes he remains
A very good friend.

A friend who might know me
like a coral beneath the ocean
like looking someone clear
in a pitch black darkness
held by the thin thread
of a very divine call
and yet you are you
traits very similar indeed
but yes he remains
a very good friend.

A friend who suppose to have
lost his feelings
of what his life now
pretending he believed
and yet he likes me I know
and breathes me in his reels
and hence i now think
How you are you
and he just remains
A very good friend?

A friend whose faces
never the world has seen,
but relflects like a baby
in front of me
When you weren't there
He held me
Yet you are You?
And he remains a very good friend!!!

Stitched by her own words,
once given to the one
the one she believes
of traits so similar
yet his commitment strong.
She bowed her head,
Her eyes so wet
I have given myself to him,
I am sorry,
You are just a very good friend